This is a mole.
This is also a mole.
I am sorry to have had to launch the above horrors on you, but those are things you need to be familiar with before reading this next thing. (Yeah, and about the redline insertions: I cannot help myself. An article and a couple of punctuation marks didn’t make the cut/paste from the submitted column into the printed one. Which isn’t a huge deal except I haven’t been able to sleep for the twenty-five days since the column ran. I am a lunatic. Admission. Now, carry on.)
I trust I have your agreement that henceforth any pigmentation euphemism for the lady parts will be ‘freckle’ instead of ‘mole.’ (With my apologies to any of you whose lady parts more resemble moles than freckles. There’s nothing wrong with that. Be ye not ashamed of Your Business.)
Also, for any of you holding out on me here, I shall close with this, the star-nosed mole.
I believe I have made my case. (And, incidentally, traumatized my child who came through the room just in time to see “the scary monster” in that last picture. Which? Also makes my case.)